Dear John

After reading various articles that are harshly critical of your recent political drama antics and your chosen VP's embarrassingly shallow knowledge of foreign policy, I have begun to feel sorry for you. You used to make me angry when you lied. But now I'm sad for you.

If I put myself in your $500 shoes, I can imagine how deeply embarrassed you must be -- such an ambitious person who really wanted to get to the White House, who now sees his campaign going down in flames. I truly feel sorry for you, Senator.

My own most embarrassing moments haven't been on a national stage. Thank God. But yours are being displayed for all to see. And, if that isn't enough, they are parodied unmercifully by comedians.

For a brief moment, after you chose Sarah P. to be your VP, things were looking up. But now it is looking like a movie that started with a couple good scenes and then degenerated into a ridiculous plot with poor acting. This isn't the way a war hero's story should end. Not like this.

There are calls this week for your VP to pull out of the race, suggesting that she say she needs to spend more time with her family. I wish someone would come up with a good excuse for you, Senator -- an excuse that would help you save face. You deserve that much, after a lifetime of service to your country.

What about this: you could get a good horror movie make up artist to create something that looks like a large cancer sore breaking out on your forehead and oozing down over your eyebrows and onto your cheeks. You could then pay a good actor-doctor to come before TV cameras with a dead serious look on his face and announce the sad news to the nation, "Senator McCain's melanoma has come back with a vengeance. Tragically, we've learned that in the last few days, the cancer has made its way into his brain."

Then, Senator, you could appear on camera with your square-jawed, bravest look and announce, "For the good of my country -- which I always put first -- I must drop out of the race. My brain can no longer be trusted to make wise decisions, because it's being eaten up by cancer. That's evidently why I've been doing such silly things lately." Then people would weep for you, instead of mocking you. It would be a good way to keep from further embarrassment.

That might be the best way you can save face, at this point ... but please, Senator, see if you can talk Sarah Palin into dropping out first.