Update from my cousin, Tom, the temporary monk

On April 1st, my cousin Tom left his wife to go be a monk (see his announcement below). It didn't take long for him to change his mind. Here's the latest in the ongoing saga of Tom's unpredictable life:

I Flunked Out of the Monastery

Dear friends,
I know that some of you were bothered about my decision to leave Shelley and become a monk. Thank you for your concern. I'm back home now. After arriving on Vashon Island and seeing the monastery, it didn't take long for me to realize that I didn't fit.

The scratchy robe, the tasteless, lumpy gruel, and the interminable silence! I just couldn't put up with it. The father-superior saw me muttering my gripes -- breaking my vow of silence in the first hour after I'd taken it -- and he said, "My son, we think it would be best if you'd leave. Go back to your wife and your life in Boise. You aren't cut out for this."

I was quite disappointed that my new vocation was over; but, on the positive side, they gave me a case of their best coffee! I feel like a chastened man, but the coffee has given me a nice buzz.

It was all kind of like an April Fools joke on me.
Tom

ORIGINAL ANNOUNCEMENT BELOW

April 1, 2009

Dear friends and family:

I wanted you to hear this directly from me before you receive some inaccurate version of it through the grapevine:

For the past year I’ve been a monk-postulant, preparing for a new vocation. Today I’m flying to Seattle and at 3:00pm this afternoon I’ll take my vows as a monk noviate at an eastern orthodox monastery on Vashon Island, Washington (see photo below).

This will involve moving out of our family home in Boise so that I can spend the rest of my life under vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience to the head of our order. In addition, I have decided to submit myself to the discipline of silence for the first year in reparation for the sins of the Bush Administration.

Shelley has reluctantly agreed that my calling as a monk should take precedence over our continuing to live together. If I may quote her: "We’ve had a lot of happy years together, but I've realized that Tom was trying to run away from his true vocation. This may explain his emotional and theological instability that manifested itself now and then during our 38 years together. Frankly, sometimes he's been a bit nuts. But I love him."

I'm grateful to Shelley for her support, and to you.

Tom P. Warner, afj
April 1st, 2009
Boise, Idaho

You can write or call me at the following address and phone number (although I will only be able to listen on the phone; I won’t be able to talk back, at least till this time next year):

St. Vincent de Price Monastery
PO Box 2420
Vashon Island, Washington, WA 98070-2420
(in the Puget Sound, near Seattle)
(206) 463-5918


Established: in 1986 by Archimandrite Dimitry
Celebration/Hram:
Other: For single men, and married men
whose wives are getting tired of them

Extended Information: Vashon Island is located in the Puget Sound, a thirty-five minute ferry ride from downtown Seattle, Washington.

The Monastery is under the omophore of Bishop KYRILL of San Francisco, of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia.
The monks make their living by selling excellent coffee and tea.
It is guaranteed to give you quite a buzz!

Visitors should call ahead before taking the ferry to Vashon Island. And, please, when you come, do not call the monks' robes "dresses." Or, pull on their long beards. Or, try to trick those who've taken a vow of silence into saying something, e.g., by pinching them so they say, "Ouch!"